All parents struggle at times. Parenting is the hardest job we’ll ever do, but it doesn’t come with very clear instructions. Children can also have strong emotional needs which can be hard for parents to read, let alone understand.
Some parents find it very challenging when their child is very upset and feel uncomfortable with the child’s intense feelings. Other parents find it harder to let go and support their child to take risks. Other parents may struggle with feeling overwhelmed by the child’s constant needs. As mental health workers how can we best support parents?
The Circle of Security (COS) model was developed to translate what clinicians know about attachment theory into a model that was straightforward and made sense for parents (Hoffman, Cooper & Powell, 2017). Circle of Security Parenting aims to help parents develop secure attachments with their children by providing a roadmap for considering their children’s needs and their tasks as parents. Parents are encouraged to be “Bigger, Stronger, Wiser and Kind” and act as both a secure base and a safe haven, supporting their children’s exploration and autonomy, and comforting them in times of distress.
All parents struggle at times. Yet the nature of these challenges varies. Parents often struggle with aspects of parenting which relate to their own experiences of being parented. The Core Sensitivities is a non-pathological model that aims to summarise different patterns of defence (or psychological strategies) that we adopt in response to painful relational experiences in childhood, which can be activated in the parenting relationship.
Hoffman, Cooper and Powell (2017) drew on psychoanalytic theory, object relations, attachment theory and the work of James Masterson and Ralph Klein to develop their model of Core Sensitivities. The three core sensitivities are Separation-Sensitive, Esteem-Sensitive and Safety-Sensitive. They reflect different concerns or fears such as abandonment (separation), criticism or failure (esteem) and closeness or intrusion (safety). Being separation sensitive, for example, may lead parents to struggle on the top half of the circle (providing adequate support for their child’s exploration) whereas being esteem sensitive may contribute to challenges on the bottom half of the circle regarding supporting the child when they feel vulnerable.
Sarah attended intensive training earlier this year with Kent Hoffman titled “The Human Condition: A Journey Through the Core Sensitivities”. The aim of this presentation is to share some of the key learnings from that training and to consider the ways that understanding of these Core Sensitivities may be helpful when working therapeutically with parents.
If you’d like to know more and hear Sarah speak about this Register Now for her presentation on September 13th 2022 from 7.00 to 8.30pm. Places are filling fast and we expect that this seminar will be very popular. It’s free to attend live or you can access the video for a small fee after the event (to cover administration costs). Join the Centre for Clinical Psychology’s growing community of infant-mental health and theory-informed practitioners for this fabulous event.
You can register here
